Don't make out with my wife yet
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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