he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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