so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
