What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
