she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
