he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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