Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
