there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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