All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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