the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
