Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
