Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
