I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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