my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
