Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm always down for nudity.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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