my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
