Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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