I need to stop coming to work sober
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
