you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
barbara walters just said penis...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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