I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
