The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
