There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
