OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
