i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
