I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
