I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
