This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
