I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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