i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
