some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
