quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
