it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
