Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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