He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
