I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
