i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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