It's Friday. Sex?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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