I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
