It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
