Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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