I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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