my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
