I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
