so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize