I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
All the doctor said was why
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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