Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
