I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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