So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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