dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
