I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
