The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
