i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
