If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
