I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
